There are moments in life, where if you could hit the slow mo button, then you would. Not where you are all talking with a slow drawl and taking a really long, robotic time to get anywhere, but more like if you choose a moment that you could just hang out in when life gets a bit heavy, then that would be it.
Now if you had asked me many years ago, I would have said- oh I know, definitely that day we talked all day over that massive feast, or when we were out all night dancing up a storm, or even right now as I sit on a perfect beach in Phu Quoc, working on my tan. Never in a million years, did I think it would be my wedding day. Ok, this perfect beach is pretty amazing. Ok, and that night partying was super fun…well let’s just say, I have a catalogue. But as days would go, I think our wedding day was up there as the raddest day ever….and I’ve had some pretty rad days.
I was definitely never that little girl, dressing up her barbies in white frocks, picturing my dream wedding and the beautiful gown I would eventually get to wear myself. Instead, I was that tomboy playing with Lego and transformers, running round with no top on till way past the appropriate age. Back then, I didn’t think I was ever going to get married or even thought I would ever want to. I’m pretty sure due to my severe dislike in dresses till early/mid high school, my parents were just waiting for me to come out. But, time has a funny way of changing things.
My interest in boys toys, did eventually turn to dating boys, and as you date you have a series of firsts which can be beautiful, awkward and crushing. First playground crush where he hits you cause he likes you, leaving you uncertain about what love represents. The timid hand hold in the movie theatre, that sloppy first kiss where you keep bumping each other’s teeth and have to wipe your face afterwards, the first embarrassing boob grab where you are not sure if he is actually trying to grope your breast or rip it off. You know the other firsts, some you have tried to push to the back of your mind, some you are still reeling over (wow that was so hot! OR so not!), some we can now laugh about, some we are still experiencing. The list goes on.
But hopefully you find yourself in love or what you thought was your first and only love. Then you break up and think holy shit what was I thinking. Then you get older and things start to get more serious. You get your heart severely broken and you probably also really hurt someone else and either go on to make the same bad mistakes or learn to be different in the next time you put yourself out there. That is if you can scrape yourself back together and decide to date again. I know I’ve had moments of, seriously what is wrong with these men, and maybe that idea of being a lesbian, isn’t so bad…..but then ….I luckily found someone worth the wait.
I think a monumental part of my change was travelling overseas and having a good amount of single time, enjoying life and being free. I had the time to assess what I wanted from life, from a partner and get some carefree fun in too. Now I’m not saying you need to hike across the globe to go find yourself or be a raging slut. But I do think it’s important to know who you are, so when it comes time to settling down, you know you are also fine on your own, as well as in a relationship. When I first met Lewy I told him that for us to work, we had to have our own lives too, as that was something I once lost. I think that after nearly 7 years together, that is why we work so much…and he does everything I say.
Even after meeting Lewy, I was still sceptical about the idea of marriage, but that didn’t mean I loved him even less. I should have been fine with the idea as my parents are still happily married after 40 years, which is a pretty amazing feat in this day and age. I once read that over 50% of marriages end up in divorce, I’m not sure of the stats, but maybe that had been at the back of my mind. I always thought we are a great couple, we don’t need an piece of paper to warrant that. I still believe this. I never want the fact that now we are married means we change as a couple, or we forget how to respect and nurture each other. That just comes later when you have a baby doesn’t it?
I have plenty of friends who will never get married and that is their choice, or others that would love to, but our stupid laws about same sex marriage, forbids it (hopefully not for much longer), but whatever the decision is, every relationship is different and that is what makes it special to those involved. As more of my friends started to get married, it was never a matter of, wow that looks like a fun fad, let’s do that. I still went through moments of trepidation. I’m pretty sure I told Lewy on several occasions that I wasn’t ready or even sure I wanted to.
But then, something changed. Maybe it was the fact that I knew he really wanted to, maybe it was the pressure from my mum (just kidding, sort of), or maybe I was just finally ready. When Lewy proposed, for once, I had no doubt in my mind. Yes it was about the commitment to each other, but foremost we decided it was about having a party where we could celebrate our love for each other in a way that reflected us as individuals and as a couple. Something personal and intimate, fun and relaxing- so what better place than where Lewy grew up to have it, than in Little River at his parent’s pad. We had paella, hay bails, games, a band and we even camped. I think we can look back when we are old and wrinkly, and think we were once pretty cool.
In reflection though, it was much more than that. I look at every single thing that our loved ones did for us leading up to, on the day and afterwards and we will never forget it. It was truly a beautiful bonding experience for both our families and friends and amazing to know everything they did, was all for the love of us. You are not only joining each other, you are joining your families. There is never a time when you can bring two families together in such a loving environment. Only at a funeral, and there is certainly not the open hearted, warm spirit created. Especially over that amount of booze to get the guests there. I’ve got to say our wedding was an absolute love fest, even with the customary hook up between singles at the end of the night.
There is always ways to do it that won’t cost the end of the earth, or ways to do it that really reflects who you are. Some people opt to have all that taken care of and go to a venue, and there were definitely times when we were knee deep in making bunting for decorations when I thought, why did we start this. But on the day, when I looked around and took it all in, I have forever frozen that day in my mind. I also know that when I was walking towards Lewy, I have never felt more sure and happy about getting hitched than I did on that day!
Disclaimer: On the other side, eloping or not getting married will save you a lot of time, money and stress. But where is the fun and good times in that.