I close my eyes and try to drown out the sounds of the voices echoing the room.  He whispers softly to deepen my breathing and relax.  I let myself go and walk down ten steps and find a door.   It is copper and very, very old.  He tells me to enter and immediately, I am in a dark room.  The floor is made of gravel and dirt and I feel trapped and do not like this place.  I want to get out, but the man talking wants to keep me here, he wants more information.  He tells me to look down and tell him what I am wearing.  I see black boots and an old ripped dress.  I want to leave; I want to leave this room that I feel I am going to stay in forever.

 He tells me to breathe and asks me where my home is, he tells me to go to the place where I feel safe.  I am here now, it is warm and a fire burns.  This is where I would prefer to stay but I know I won’t be here for much longer.  I know my children are somewhere near, I know we all eat together at the big brown wooden table that is in the centre of the room. My home is small and I know I am poor. I know that although outside the ground is dirty and the air is cold and grey, it will always be better than the place I do not want to go back to.

 The man asks me what makes me happy and I say when I cook for my family, it gives me a sense of pride.  But I also know it is getting harder to provide. I feel myself tearing between these two places until I am back in the dark room with walls that contain me.  I don’t know who has brought me here but I know it is because I have done something wrong.  I don’t think I have hurt anyone, I think it is because I wanted food for my family. I look down to my dirty dress, this image keep pulling me back. When I look down I feel shame, I feel embarrassed that I am here and can’t look after them all.  He asks me if I think I will leave this room and I feel tears in my eyes.  I don’t think I ever do.

 He hands me something soft and says if this were the woman, if this was you, what would you do. I reply I would hug her, so I do.  I am here hugging this small piece of material and he tells me it is ok and to let go of her and make peace with her guilt, she only wanted to provide and be loved.  I feel a slow release of anxiety and I float up and beyond that other time till I am free.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Yesterday I visited the Mind, Body, Spirit Festival at the exhibition centre.  Some of you may be skeptics of it all, or maybe there are bits you find intriguing.  I must say there is a lot that I find mind boggling and way out of my realm, but visiting places like these are such an interesting lesson in life and people.  There are just so many different alternative therapies and ways of healing your inner and outer self that doesn’t mean visiting your local GP or shrink.  The festival had personal trainers to tarot readers, tables covered in crystals and candles, even a stand where you could get an eyeball massage.  It is obviously a huge industry and it is also good to know that people genuinely care about their wellbeing.

Lewy and I walked through the stands, buying some healing herbal tea, some black rice high in antioxidants and watched a seminar on finding your inner clairvoyant and meeting your spirit guide.  I was really not sure about this one, but came away really enlightened-largely because Belinda Grace was just so intriguing and her no bullshit approach was really refreshing.  Even for just learning to connect with your intuition that little bit more was worth it.

I have always been interested in reincarnation and thought in spirit of trying new things I would meet with Paul Williamson, past life therapist. What I described above was my first experience with learning about my past lives and to be honest I am still unsure how I really feel about it all.  I mean if this was one of my lives, it brutally sucked.  I was a woman living in maybe London or Paris or at the height of a depression, extremely lower class and pushed to the point of stealing food.  Maybe it was my surroundings or because I have a cold, but wow, the image was so vivid that it has also shaken me.  He could have also lead me to those images, I really don’t know.  But I write this to make sense of it and maybe share some insight to others interested.  I am all for living in the present and looking forward to the future, but sometimes looking back at the past can make you stop reoccurring mistakes or grievances.  Either way, it would be interesting to revisit in a quiet room with no distractions to see what happens.

Who knows maybe because that possible life was bound with such hardship is a reason why I am just so damned grateful for this one.  I guess you never really know what’s on the other side.

http://www.mbsfestival.com.au/index.htm

http://www.belindagrace.com/

http://vimeo.com/43101922  (A talk on past life therapy with Paul Williamsom)

Everyone loves a good happy ending.  I love them in a fairytale, or when you hear that something really good has happened to someone deserving, or maybe it’s at the end of a film and you just know they are going to get together and life will be all hunky-dory.  But let me just testify right now, that when it comes to massages, I feel really uncomfortable with happy endings.

So this is where I tell you about my ‘oh god liv it could only happen to you moment’ (which there are more than I can count on my fingers and toes).  This story began on Friday when I left work early, having a half-day off up my sleeve.  I had been feeling really average for most of the week, so thought hey, a massage may just be what the doctor ordered.  I had recently walked past one in my area and thought today was the day to try it out.

Now let me just say for the record, I am NOT intending to have any business closed as these places are there to service people in a safe and harm free environment…it’s just I wasn’t quite prepared to be entering this type of establishment unknowingly.  I can’t also say I am 100% sure it was one of ‘those places’ but there were lots of signs, signs that should have told me-this place is not for you little lady, time to turn around and try your usual one.

If you haven’t caught on yet, I’ll break it down for you with points of difference to your regular run of the mill massage centre:

A)    There is no phone number on the front of this building, it is off a side road

B)    When I enter, there are no female clients inside.  There is a silver headed man who looks surprised to see me.  He gives me a cheeky smile then hides his face behind a newspaper as if not to have been seen

C)     I am greeted with an equally as surprised employee with the expression of ‘are you lost, the nail salon is just up the road’

**right here is where I should have politely declined and left.  But no- I really wanted my massage straight away and maybe my writer’s intrigue got the better of me**

D)  The masseuse asks do I want to keep my underwear on  ….huh? So I chose undies on thanks

Now massages in general are not for everyone.  The idea of having a complete stranger rub their hands over you can sound intimate and is unbearable for some. Though for me, you could poke me with a stick and I’d love it. Maybe it’s a sign of too many years of partying and working hard, but my tired body could literally be massaged for an entire day and I could still go back next day for more.  I am happy to be tugged, stretched, turned upside down, manipulated, the harder the better please.

BUT- here I come back to points of difference of where I think the line just has to be drawn in the sand for me.

E) Hearing a man and woman giggling in the room next door is weird

F) When turning onto my back (like you do in some massages and yes there is always the awkward moment where you think is the masseuse getting a gander at my knockers) I expect to have my ladies covered, which there were not.  So I lie there in my undies thinking thank god I’ve had a wax, but probably should have worn a pair not so 4^th grader

G) I do not expect to have my breasts massaged, though now that they have, I realized they were actually quite sore (lots of yoga and boot camp) and it does feel nice. But next time will leave that for my boyfriend

H) hands going too high

I) oh god too high

Now before you think, here I am with a smile on my face leaving the place, I will correct you.  I am red faced yes, but more from embarrassment…..

…..but phew I can safely say that the lady chose to save her unusual skill set to the men flocking to the place weirdly at 3pm on a Friday afternoon.

I will not be swayed though, I am a keen advocate to go out and treat yourself to a massage cause they feel good and relax you.  It can be a way to ease aches and pains, or to reconnect with your body.  So for anyone who doesn’t ‘do’ massages, try it out.  There are so many talented therapists.

I just think from now on I’ll keep my happy endings to the storybooks and not in massage parlours is all.

Transit

I sit in silence, tired by travels,

And watch us waiting to leave.

A destination we seek out-

A place for new air, fresh starts.

A way to shed old skin.

They say goodbye to their loved ones, tears fall.

Some tired in transit, others excited for their journey to begin.

Desire for the unknown, anxiety for the unknown.

No face the same, but we are not so different.

I search for myself and create myself every time.

 27/06/08 5.12pm (Ho Chi Minh City)

Now I’m not insinuating you should pull out some binoculars and stare at your neighbor like in Hitchcock’s Rear Window and this is definitely not about watching porn.  It’s about going outside or to a desired place and watching people go about their day.  People watching quite simply, can be greatly fulfilling.  It’s a way to hold a mirror up to life and immerse yourself in culture.  It’s a way to see how different every single person is and take note how lucky we are for that fact.  If you don’t feel that way about people, then shame on you, don’t be so close minded.  Yes, there are horrible people in the world, but there are also incredibly amazing ones too-they have different religions and upbringings, sexuality and gender preferences, some have disabilities or illnesses, some are from the far reaches of the globe or right in your own backyard.  Embrace that and take the time to step back and watch them all pass by.

JUST A NOTE: There is a difference between you being a freaky stalker, completely eyeballing someone or just watching as if you were glancing over a page.  The latter is the preferred method.

When I was travelling on my own overseas, it’s was a great pastime and often my savior.  When I was feeling lonely or wanted to be alone, I’d pull up a chair; sit in a park, lean against a wall and just watch.  It was not to be a perve, it was to be a voyeur.  I was watching my very own documentary about life, starring life.   I mean isn’t that how we learn.  As children we watch our parents or friends, and imitate.  Kids are like sponges, soaking up images and dialogue, learning and shaping themselves.  We watch films, sport, theatre, dance, go to galleries, see sunsets, sunrises and people can be present every time.  You can experience intimacy with a complete stranger without ever knowing them, you can be witness to a fight that may end a relationship, you can see love, bewilderment, a stolen glance, hurt, a spectrum of emotions. 

What got me thinking about all this was my trip to the airport last week.  I do wish I was actually getting on a plane to go somewhere but I was picking up some discs for work.  It did look a little like I was waiting to do a drug deal, but I assure you, it was work.  So I got there early and sat there looking at all these people who had just arrived from someplace else. It could have been a stopover, it could have been their last stop after travelling from overseas or it could have been from the end of a long work day.  Whatever the reason, they had arrived.  Airports are like prime real estate for people watchers, millions of stories floating in and out.  It’s no wonder the TV series Airport rated well, cause those places make people feel stuff.  Families are reunited or torn apart, people are excited or tired or angry. I once got a little teary watching an old man hug his daughter (I think it was) for what looked like the last time.

Whatever the place that you choose to watch, sometimes it is important to watch people to realize that we all have our baggage, even when we are not at the airport (sorry -bad pun).   It’s good to remember that and maybe take that on board when you see someone having a bad day.  By watching others, you may actually walk a mile in their shoes and understand humanity that little bit more.

 Here are some snaps that I took from some of my travels to demonstrate:

it

So I may have gained a few kilos from overeating, but heading away for a long weekend to Jindivick with some friends was the best decision.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Melbourne; the hustle of the city, the swarm of musicians to grace our dingy and grand venues, the access to arts, the beautiful mix of cultures, sports and mayhem, insane gastronomic cuisines, perfect coffees and enough bars and pubs that you will never visit them all.  It’s no wonder Melbourne has been ranked the most livable city again this year.  But there are also times when I need to escape from it too.  Take your pick of amazing destinations –the beach, rainforests, wineries.  I urge you to get in your car and just drive till you find somewhere that tickles your fancy.

It’s just that….the drive.   Sometimes all you need is a big open road, a choice soundtrack, and some beautiful scenery to make you forget about that big urban sprawl filled with neurotic drivers and time frantic stress heads.  Everyone can get a little crazy when there are deadlines to meet, people to see, things to do.  It’s only when you start driving away and the chaos turns to nothing but landscape and farm animals, that you realize that you feel that much calmer.  A long drive on your own can be like a fine wine, subtle at first, then it grabs hold of your senses and envelopes you with its boldness.  So out I headed to Tonimbuk for a 2 hr trail ride before my weekend away of eating, drinking and vineyard visiting.

Now it had been at least 5 years since my last horse ride which was on the beach with Gunnamatta trail rides.  I had considered myself an ok rider at that stage, but was paired with a horse that decided to be king of the studs.  Anytime a horse came nearby, it would flip round and try and bite it, with yes, me on its back holding on for dear life.  But ‘if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again’ (thanks Aaliyah). So I headed out with my pals Johnny & Emma and decided to get back to nature.  Though two words of advice, don’t a) decide to do a boot camp session the day before as getting on a horse will be the last thing your sore toosh wants to do and  b) don’t go and get all your vaccines for your overseas trip the day before either, as your arms will feel like lead.

Aside from these two bad choices of mine, horse riding was yeehaw fantastic. What I liked about my group was it was filled with the young and old.  One lady in her early 70s was ticking it off her bucket list; another young girl decided to overcome her fear of horses and embraced it.  This is one way to connect from person to nature to animal in one shot.  There are no Dances with Wolves horse riding scenes on this one though, just time to take in the green pastures.  If your skill level can handle a light gallop and going up and down non threatening hills then this is the one for you. Now some people would not like the horse I got, but Toby and I had time to bond.  Yes there were times when he did not want to move (twice I didn’t realize he was peeing and couldn’t work out why he wouldn’t budge), or when he just decided to walk on his own-but this was when I loved it the most as I was alone in the nature and didn’t have a thought in my mind.  I felt safe on Toby.

So for this post, it’s really about disconnecting from work and city life and taking the time to appreciate our beautiful country surroundings.  Go to a bnb, hire a holiday house, find a friend who has a shack somewhere and go on that drive till you find somewhere new.  Enjoy the local produce, play a board game instead of watching TV or even go ride a horse.  Either way just get back to nature and just be.

http://www.gunnamatta.com.au/

http://www.tonimbuktrailrides.com.au/Home.html

Only darkness surrounds the figures finding their place.

Who we are doesn’t matter here-

There is no hierarchy.

There is no one watching.

As we become barefoot, our baggage leaves the room.

The beat begins, and so do we. 

We move and flow so free.

We dance as one and as our own all at the same time.

Just a small space in time to rid yourself of angst-

as if there was only this moment. 

10:45pm 23.10.13

So if you’ve read my intro bit (click the top right corner next to home link ) you may be questioning what this so called No Lights, No Lycra is.  Now it’s nothing new, it’s actually an old fad. But more and more people are catching onto it and with good reason. In a nutshell, in 2009, these two Melbournian dance students Alice Glenn and Heidi Barrett found they wanted a place where they could just let loose and dance with no inhibitions.  So they hired a hall with some mates, turned down the lights, turned up the music and NLNL was born.   Since then it has not only become a nationwide movement, but an international revolution (see from little things, big things do grow).  Now what makes this so different is that there is no alcohol, no drugs, people just rock up with a love for music, dancing and good times- it’s free form dancing for anyone and everyone.

So for the last year or so, I’ve been rocking up at one of the three venues (Mon-city, Tues-Fitzroy, Wed- Brunswick), taking my shoes off and then fully embracing the just let loose vibe.  I can be having a stressed out, horrible day and it makes it all fall away. Or I can be having a great day, and it makes it that much better.  I always leave dripping in sweat, with a big smile.  As does everyone else.

Don’t get me wrong; when I first heard about it, I was a little hesitant.  But always one to try new things, I followed some friends along.  Now when I first entered the Brunswick hall I thought, shit was the hell have I got myself into, as people were stretching out as if they were preparing for a gym workout.  I was even more skeptical when a Lion King operatic song belted out and everyone started dancing as if we were out for an experimental dance junket.  When in Rome as they say, so I pulled out my best tree pose, fluttered my little hands and decided to be at one with the music.  Though unsure I could pull this off for over an hour, I did my best.  Much to my relief and satisfaction, this little melody, however lovely, was interrupted by a wicked bass beat and then the real night began.

So this was where my love for NLNL started- music for everyone from rock to hillbilly to pop to African tribal beats.  Now it isn’t pitch black, you’re not bumping into people, unless like me you love to dance with your eyes closed.  But it’s dark enough to leave your inhibitions at the door and bring yourself back to basics.  This is what it’s like:  I once took my niece to a High 5 film at the movies.  During every musical scene (which there is plenty) she would stand up and start dancing, along with the other kids.  It didn’t matter if they were dancing with her or not, she just didn’t care. If she feels like dancing, she just will, just cause.  Unfortunately as we get older, we start to get conscience of what we look like.  Internal monologues start playing out, ‘are my dance moves hot enough,’ ‘god I wish I hadn’t worn jeans this tight,’ ‘I better have another drink before I hit the dance floor.’  I’ve never really been one to shy away from the dance floor, I’ll stick out a pout and work it.  But NLNL turns my slightly restrained dance club moves to I am now a dance goddess.  I can dance like my niece, I can spin and swirl and be a fairy or a ballerina or a break dancer, because no one cares. No one is watching my moves but they are way too engrossed in doing the same thing.

So can you tell I love it? I’ve told friends and they’ve come and then they’ve told their friends. It is just so fun and that is what you need in life, cause really it can get all a bit too serious really.  Take my advice, check out this website, do something different and come along, because I swear you will not regret it.

http://nolightsnolycra.com/

As Billy Idol says ‘when there’s nothing to lose, when there’s nothing to prove and I’ll be dancing with myself.’